I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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