Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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