You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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