Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
