That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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