I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
