you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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