GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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