He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
