Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
