apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
