be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
