Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize