I can tuck mytits in my pants
Jerry, you need to find god
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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