I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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