I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
