i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
