its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
