Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
