I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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