My hand turned me down
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
