I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
