Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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