Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
