I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
