so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
