My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
