I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
