If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
