So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize