So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
