yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
