I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
