new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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