You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
