My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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