he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
