The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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