mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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