If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
