The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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