she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
