A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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