I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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