so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize