thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
