Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
