I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
