I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize