I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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