We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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