Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just cut my nipple shaving
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
