so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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