glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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