Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
