i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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