do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
