You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
