I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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