No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
