I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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