am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
