i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
