my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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