New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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