I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
