At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
wow bdsm is so cute
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