So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
