I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
