giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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