Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
