Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
