she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
