I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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