mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
