i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
