god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
