Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
