I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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