i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize