I just made out with a guy for $7.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
