He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
