I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
