Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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