I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
