Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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