So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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