So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You smell like stripper and shame
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
