he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
