I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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