it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
