You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
