Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
